I had to go camping for my job. Here's a description of my adventure that I sent by email to my family.
Well I went to camp with 11 mentally ill people and my boss. Since I'm not the outdoorsy type (as many of you know) I was dreading the trip just a little. It turned out to be pretty fun but there were some moments that some of you may enjoy. Monday we got to our cabin on the lake. It was pretty nice and after supper I took myself down to the beach. Just 62 short stairs down to the beach unless you count that last step where you have to jump onto 2 rocks and a cement block as 3. I did because it climbed like 3. I sat on a log and enjoyed the lake until my boss and some of the "members" came along. "Let's go on a nature hike!" says my skinny little boss, Chuck. O.k. Off we go down the beach. We walked for a while. Then we walked for a while more. Then we climbed over some tree trunks. Then we stopped to admire the sunset. Then it was dark. Chuck says, "I know a shortcut". Remembering that it was at least 62 stairs down to the beach, there's no other way for his shortcut to go than UP!. Straight up. Through the woods. In the dark. I had one member hanging on each belt loop of my pants. My contacts had dried to my eyeballs by then and I couldn't see a thing. I just blindly kept climbing. Whew! We made it. Time to crash onto my 2 inch bunk bed mattress. Ahhhhh...morning....it's Tuesday. Everybody's pretty lazy but I manage to make sausage and eggs for 13 people. Yum. Then eat it on the patio where a brisk wind makes it ice cold within seconds. We did some arts and crafts, and some fishing then most everybody had a nap. Not me. I explored the local area. My boss, Chuck, hung with me. "Chuck", I said, "what's in those doors by the cabin?". Chuck didn't know. So he grabs the door handle and pulls the door up to see. Two 6 - 8 foot thick black snakes, that's what's in there! "Run", Chuck says as he slams the door. As he's running he says, "was that 1 snake or 2". He later tells me he's impressed I didn't scream. I know my mouth was open but nothing came out. All I remember is sucking in a big breath and running. By the way, those snakes were right under my bedroom window! Anyway, sleep is for wusses.
So steaks for supper with potatoes, onions, and peppers. Then the thunderstorm. So cards by the fireplace until the wee hours...with popcorn and homemade banana splits. Wednesday....and our trip to Rockome Gardens....are there flowers there?? I got English toffee, homemade taffy,apple butter, pecan pancake syrup...I like this place. And we went trail riding on horseback. I warily eyed the horses. I make my way to the guide. "Ummmmm", I whisper, "I'm a big girl. Maybe I shouldn't ride these horses. I wouldn't want to hurt them". "Not to worry", she assures me. "We have horses for all sizes of people". Soon I'm being led to my horse. Lady Jane Supreme was a lovely horse. A Belgian draft horse to be exact. "Just put your foot in this stirrup here" said the guide. This would be the stirrup directly in front of my nose. I looked at the guide and said, "I"m fat. I can't get my leg up that high"..secretly thinking whoo hoo...no riding for me. But no problem they have a step stool. Two steps up and the stirrup is now shoulder height. My boss snickers and aims the camera. Somehow I got my big thigh up over that horse and got my fat ass up there. The horse doesn't seem to notice or care that I'm there and decides to eat grass. Meanwhile I hold on to the saddle horn for dear life. The guide nicely asks if I want him to lead my horse. "Yes that would be nice" I say. So off we go. Six of us on horses riding next the the flooded Kaskaskia River. My tour guide mentions that his horse is scared of everything. Awwww, I think, poor little baby. Well soon, poor little baby horse was spooked by a blade of grass that was bent different than it was yesterday. Yikes, poor little horse thinks and jumps sideways. My lovely large Belgian draft horse springs into action! DANGER DANGER! Lady Jane Supreme jumps to the side and begins bucking! HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL!!!! My teeth slammed together as Lady Jane slammed me into a tree scraping the hell out of my arm. "Stop horse" I kept repeating to no avail. My sister very nicely reminded me later that I should have said "whoa". Honestly the word never came to mind. Finally Lady Jane decides the danger has passed and she should eat grass again. I grab the reins and yank her head up so I didn't pitch forward off her ass. She gave me a very dirty look and decided to eat the tree instead. Finally, Mr. Tour Guide gets his horse to stop going ballistic and comes to grab me and my horse. Off we go back to the trail where his horse promptly stopped and refused to budge. 15 minutes this guy tried to get his horse to move. My horse was biting his horse's butt and still..no dice. So Lady Jane, apparently sick of standing there, decided to trot in a circle for the 15 minutes. If you haven't been on a trotting Belgian draft horse, you haven't lived. I am surprised that I have teeth left. Finally the guide's horse decided enough time had passed that we could move on. Everybody else had already gone on and as we came back, there's my boss, Chuck, still snickering. "What took you so long" he said. Wouldn't he like to know what I was doing in the woods for so long with my tour guide. Well time to get off the horse. It's a long way down, I think. The step stool is on my left. Hmmmm....I ponder looking at the stool sinking into some mud and at my left foot barely in the stirrup. "May I please get off on the other side of the horse", I ask. Sure sure no problem he says and moves the stool. I stand up and swing my left foot out of the stirrup while my wet (my horse liked to stomp through the puddles so I was wet from my crotch to my ankle) right foot slid rather quickly out of the stirrup and down the 4 feet to the stool. Wham!!!! I landed hard and rather unsteadily climbed off the stool. "Wow!", says the guide, "I didn't think you'd get down that quick". I smiled nicely and said, "neither did I". Back to the old campsite where, once again, everyone had a nap. Even my boss fell asleep on a log on the beach. Well what should I do I think? Off to the woods with my camera. It's so nice in the woods....I take some pictures of flowers and (expletive deleted). Then I go back to the cabin and sit on the picnic table. Ahhhh the lake is so pretty but why is my arm so itchy? I look at it and try to figure out what that black speck is on it. The speck slowly gets larger and larger. I brush at it but it's still there. I grab it and pull it. Finally I get it off me and it leaves a trail of blood and a giant welt. It's the ugliest looking bug I ever saw. Chuck. blearily comes walking by. "Oh you had a tick on you" he casually remarks. Nice. Pretty soon it's supper time. Steak fajitas...yum. Stupidly, after supper, I head for the beach. 62+ steps down if you remember. I didn't. Who knew that riding a Belgian draft horse makes your thighs feel really bad later. After a time sitting on a log by the water I decide to go back up to the cabin. My legs, however, decided to do nothing but quiver. 20 minutes later I haul my fat ass up the last stair and lean on the railing panting like a steam engine. It only took about 10 minutes for my breathing to return to normal. To celebrate...2 S'mores by the campfire. Then back to my 2 inch mattress. Finally today after a long 3 hour drive I'm home again! Yea!!!! I need a vacation!!!!!!!!!!
Well I went to camp with 11 mentally ill people and my boss. Since I'm not the outdoorsy type (as many of you know) I was dreading the trip just a little. It turned out to be pretty fun but there were some moments that some of you may enjoy. Monday we got to our cabin on the lake. It was pretty nice and after supper I took myself down to the beach. Just 62 short stairs down to the beach unless you count that last step where you have to jump onto 2 rocks and a cement block as 3. I did because it climbed like 3. I sat on a log and enjoyed the lake until my boss and some of the "members" came along. "Let's go on a nature hike!" says my skinny little boss, Chuck. O.k. Off we go down the beach. We walked for a while. Then we walked for a while more. Then we climbed over some tree trunks. Then we stopped to admire the sunset. Then it was dark. Chuck says, "I know a shortcut". Remembering that it was at least 62 stairs down to the beach, there's no other way for his shortcut to go than UP!. Straight up. Through the woods. In the dark. I had one member hanging on each belt loop of my pants. My contacts had dried to my eyeballs by then and I couldn't see a thing. I just blindly kept climbing. Whew! We made it. Time to crash onto my 2 inch bunk bed mattress. Ahhhhh...morning....it's Tuesday. Everybody's pretty lazy but I manage to make sausage and eggs for 13 people. Yum. Then eat it on the patio where a brisk wind makes it ice cold within seconds. We did some arts and crafts, and some fishing then most everybody had a nap. Not me. I explored the local area. My boss, Chuck, hung with me. "Chuck", I said, "what's in those doors by the cabin?". Chuck didn't know. So he grabs the door handle and pulls the door up to see. Two 6 - 8 foot thick black snakes, that's what's in there! "Run", Chuck says as he slams the door. As he's running he says, "was that 1 snake or 2". He later tells me he's impressed I didn't scream. I know my mouth was open but nothing came out. All I remember is sucking in a big breath and running. By the way, those snakes were right under my bedroom window! Anyway, sleep is for wusses.
So steaks for supper with potatoes, onions, and peppers. Then the thunderstorm. So cards by the fireplace until the wee hours...with popcorn and homemade banana splits. Wednesday....and our trip to Rockome Gardens....are there flowers there?? I got English toffee, homemade taffy,apple butter, pecan pancake syrup...I like this place. And we went trail riding on horseback. I warily eyed the horses. I make my way to the guide. "Ummmmm", I whisper, "I'm a big girl. Maybe I shouldn't ride these horses. I wouldn't want to hurt them". "Not to worry", she assures me. "We have horses for all sizes of people". Soon I'm being led to my horse. Lady Jane Supreme was a lovely horse. A Belgian draft horse to be exact. "Just put your foot in this stirrup here" said the guide. This would be the stirrup directly in front of my nose. I looked at the guide and said, "I"m fat. I can't get my leg up that high"..secretly thinking whoo hoo...no riding for me. But no problem they have a step stool. Two steps up and the stirrup is now shoulder height. My boss snickers and aims the camera. Somehow I got my big thigh up over that horse and got my fat ass up there. The horse doesn't seem to notice or care that I'm there and decides to eat grass. Meanwhile I hold on to the saddle horn for dear life. The guide nicely asks if I want him to lead my horse. "Yes that would be nice" I say. So off we go. Six of us on horses riding next the the flooded Kaskaskia River. My tour guide mentions that his horse is scared of everything. Awwww, I think, poor little baby. Well soon, poor little baby horse was spooked by a blade of grass that was bent different than it was yesterday. Yikes, poor little horse thinks and jumps sideways. My lovely large Belgian draft horse springs into action! DANGER DANGER! Lady Jane Supreme jumps to the side and begins bucking! HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL!!!! My teeth slammed together as Lady Jane slammed me into a tree scraping the hell out of my arm. "Stop horse" I kept repeating to no avail. My sister very nicely reminded me later that I should have said "whoa". Honestly the word never came to mind. Finally Lady Jane decides the danger has passed and she should eat grass again. I grab the reins and yank her head up so I didn't pitch forward off her ass. She gave me a very dirty look and decided to eat the tree instead. Finally, Mr. Tour Guide gets his horse to stop going ballistic and comes to grab me and my horse. Off we go back to the trail where his horse promptly stopped and refused to budge. 15 minutes this guy tried to get his horse to move. My horse was biting his horse's butt and still..no dice. So Lady Jane, apparently sick of standing there, decided to trot in a circle for the 15 minutes. If you haven't been on a trotting Belgian draft horse, you haven't lived. I am surprised that I have teeth left. Finally the guide's horse decided enough time had passed that we could move on. Everybody else had already gone on and as we came back, there's my boss, Chuck, still snickering. "What took you so long" he said. Wouldn't he like to know what I was doing in the woods for so long with my tour guide. Well time to get off the horse. It's a long way down, I think. The step stool is on my left. Hmmmm....I ponder looking at the stool sinking into some mud and at my left foot barely in the stirrup. "May I please get off on the other side of the horse", I ask. Sure sure no problem he says and moves the stool. I stand up and swing my left foot out of the stirrup while my wet (my horse liked to stomp through the puddles so I was wet from my crotch to my ankle) right foot slid rather quickly out of the stirrup and down the 4 feet to the stool. Wham!!!! I landed hard and rather unsteadily climbed off the stool. "Wow!", says the guide, "I didn't think you'd get down that quick". I smiled nicely and said, "neither did I". Back to the old campsite where, once again, everyone had a nap. Even my boss fell asleep on a log on the beach. Well what should I do I think? Off to the woods with my camera. It's so nice in the woods....I take some pictures of flowers and (expletive deleted). Then I go back to the cabin and sit on the picnic table. Ahhhh the lake is so pretty but why is my arm so itchy? I look at it and try to figure out what that black speck is on it. The speck slowly gets larger and larger. I brush at it but it's still there. I grab it and pull it. Finally I get it off me and it leaves a trail of blood and a giant welt. It's the ugliest looking bug I ever saw. Chuck. blearily comes walking by. "Oh you had a tick on you" he casually remarks. Nice. Pretty soon it's supper time. Steak fajitas...yum. Stupidly, after supper, I head for the beach. 62+ steps down if you remember. I didn't. Who knew that riding a Belgian draft horse makes your thighs feel really bad later. After a time sitting on a log by the water I decide to go back up to the cabin. My legs, however, decided to do nothing but quiver. 20 minutes later I haul my fat ass up the last stair and lean on the railing panting like a steam engine. It only took about 10 minutes for my breathing to return to normal. To celebrate...2 S'mores by the campfire. Then back to my 2 inch mattress. Finally today after a long 3 hour drive I'm home again! Yea!!!! I need a vacation!!!!!!!!!!
